Fall
by TheChasm
Summary: The Marauders were growing up these days – barely a week away from graduation, about to join the fight against Voldemort, falling in love and falling apart. / A few days before they leave Hogwarts, Sirius and Remus talk high on the Astronomy Tower at night. One-shot.


**Disclaimer: I don't own Harry Potter.**

**Warning: This story contains mild mentions of suicide and suicidal thoughts. If you do not feel comfortable reading this, please do not continue.**

**A/N: Firstly, I have to apologise for anyone who clicked on this story the day it was published and, expecting to find a one-shot about Sirius and Remus, instead found one about Molly Weasley and Lily Potter. I was really tired and I accidentally uploaded the wrong document. That story is called _Letters on the Wind_ and can be found on my profile if you wanted to read it again. In the meanwhile, here's the actual story! ****I'm quite pleased with the way this turned out. I had millions of prompts to fit in, so it was quite a challenge! In this story, I intend to portray Remus and Sirius as very, very close friends. You can read it as slash if you feel like it, but it wasn't intended that way. **

**Written for:**

**The Book Thief Challenge: "No matter how many times she was told she was loved, there was no recognition that the proof was in the abandonment."**

**The "On This Day" Competition: Write a story set on July 2nd, genre drama, characters Remus Lupin and Sirius Black, using the prompts "favour", "revive" and "simplify".**

**Delirium Competition: "Hearts are fragile things. That's why you have to be so careful."**

**The Wand Wood Competition, Red Oak: Write about an Animagus**

**Camp Potter Challenge, First Aid: Write angst, using the prompts "fragile", "slamming doors", "We can never starve our loneliness. We can only hope that, by the company of others, it doesn't devour us."- Christopher Poindexter, and "paper-thin".**

**The Quidditch League Competition, round 3: Start and end your story with the same abstract noun, using the prompts ""confounding", "disaster" and "Children aren't happy with nothing to ignore, And that's what parents were created for." - Ogden Nash**

**The word count without the author's note is 1965.**

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**Fall**

"Patience," Remus liked to say with a laugh, "is a virtue, Sirius."

Sirius found the reprimand intensely unfair. He might be reckless and spontaneous, but he _was_ patient. If he had lacked that particular trait, there was no way he could have spent sixteen years in the Noble and Most Ancient House of Black without going insane – or being murdered.

Nor would he be up prowling the corridors at one o'clock at night, searching for his wayward friend and hoping he wouldn't do something stupid (like killing himself) before Sirius reached him.

The dot marked _Remus Lupin_ on the Marauder's Map was very still, but its proximity to the edge of the Astronomy Tower sent shivers of fear down Sirius's spine. Remus's sleep patterns had been erratic ever since The Prank, as the Marauders sensitively called it. And The Prank had been Sirius's fault. Therefore, Remus getting up in the middle of the night was Sirius's fault, and it would be Sirius's fault if anything happened to him. Terror welled up and lent speed to his silent footsteps.

He took the steps of the Astronomy Tower at a run and burst out into the open space above. Remus was still standing at the battlements; as Sirius arrived he whirled around to stare at his friend with wide, frightened eyes.

Inwardly, Sirius sighed. He had spooked Remus with his sudden entrance, and he knew from experience how long it took to calm him down again. Patience came in handy at this point.

He knelt on the floor and held out his hands in front of him, trying to make himself look as unthreatening as possible. "Moony," he said softly. "Come here."

Remus stayed frozen, staring at him. This was Sirius's fault – Sirius's fault that he had had yet another nightmare, Sirius's fault that his sanity was on the verge of snapping, Sirius's fault that he was standing dangerously close to a very long fall.

"Come here, Moony. Away from the edge. Come on."

Remus shivered. Even Sirius could tell that the July night was unseasonably cool; he suspected that sickly Remus could feel the cold much more keenly than he could.

"Away from the edge, Moony. Come here. I won't hurt you. I'll keep you safe. Don't worry." He had to stay patient, had to keep his head clear, had to avoid the crushing guilt and paralysing fear. _Calm. Encouraging. Don't think about the fall._

"Remus, please."

At last Remus took a cautious, shaky step towards Sirius, and then another, and another. All the time Sirius murmured encouraging platitudes. He had to be careful – hearts were fragile things, and Remus's even more so.

When Remus had reached Sirius he sat down beside him, carefully, delicately, every movement perfectly controlled. Quickly, Sirius wrapped an arm around his paper-thin shoulders. _Don't let him go._

Remus turned to blink at him; Sirius could see every fleck of gold in his brown eyes. "Did I scare you?" he asked. He sounded like he was coming back to Earth after a long time spent dancing with starlight.

"A little," Sirius admitted. "Don't do that again, Moony."

In response, Remus shivered again and laid his head on Sirius's shoulder. "Sorry," he murmured.

This was Remus at his most vulnerable: easily frightened, silent, _fragile._ What Sirius had done had changed them all – James was more mature, Peter quieter, and Sirius himself more terrified than ever of the Blackness inside him. But Remus was the one that had to live with knowledge that he had almost killed, and Remus whose mind, sometimes, seemed very far from stable. Sirius thought of mad Cousin Bella and shuddered. He would not, could not allow Remus to break the way she had.

It was more than two years since The Prank, and they seemed to just be coming to terms with the fact that the changes Sirius had wrought were irrevocable. The Marauders were growing up these days – barely a week away from graduation, about to join the fight against Voldemort, falling in love and falling apart. Sometimes Sirius still wished for the early years, when Lily Evans paid James no attention and Remus's smile was unshadowed.

And he knew, as surely as he knew that the moon would carry on rising and setting every torturous night, that nothing would be the same once they left Hogwarts.

Remus shifted to look Sirius in the eye. "How'd you know to come and find me?"

Sirius rolled his eyes. "The Map, obviously."

"No, I meant – how did you even know I wasn't in the dormitory? You should have been asleep."

"Pots and kettles, Moony. I couldn't sleep – I went to the toilet and on the way back I noticed you weren't in your bed. Then I checked the Map and came as quickly as possible."

"I wasn't going to do anything."

"You were standing at the edge of the highest tower in the castle. You've been acting strangely all day. You obviously weren't thinking clearly enough to bring the Cloak, because I saw it lying on Prongs's trunk. Forgive me for thinking you were going to off yourself."

Remus smiled slightly. "I forget how observant you are sometimes."

"Observant enough to notice you've been acting funny? Moony, even _Wormtail's _noticed. C'mon, spill. I think I deserve _something_ as payment for hauling myself across the whole castle looking for you."

Remus sighed, a quiet sound that still shook his whole body. "I was just… worried."

"About what?" Sirius prompted gently.

Remus turned to look at him again – his expression was one of slight panic. "We're graduating soon."

This was honestly confounding to Sirius. He liked to think he knew Remus well, but the statement had thrown him off balance. Surely Remus wasn't scared of a celebratory banquet with the professors and receiving an official certificate of having completed his education? Perhaps he was worried about his N.E.W.T. scores – but he had studied unnecessarily hard, and was practically guaranteed O's in everything.

Remus must have sensed his perplexity, because he continued, "Th-the Order of the Phoenix is voluntary work, and it's the only thing I've committed to."

"And?" Sirius was still failing to grasp the point.

"And I don't know how I'm going to support myself!" Remus burst out. "I – you know how easy it is to notice that I'm always gone at the full moon. Any employer will be able to figure out that I'm a werewolf, and then I'm fired. I won't be able to hold a job. I p-probably won't even be able to _feed_ myself!"

"_That's _what you've been stressing about?" Sirius rolled his eyes. "As if Prongs and I would let you starve."

"Charity," Remus said softly, gazing out at the vast amount of night sky peppered with stars and the thinnest sliver of the waning crescent. It was the second of July, and the moon would be new in precisely three days.

"It's not charity, Moony. It's helping out a friend."

"I won't live off your money," Remus said stubbornly.

Sirius sighed. There was no use arguing with Remus on this point; his friend had the Gryffindor pride and obstinacy in abundance. But Remus's words had made him worried. As much as he hated to admit it, employers _would_ dismiss Remus as soon as they found out about his condition.

It wasn't fair. Remus was hardworking, intelligent, kind and dedicated. Why should other people's prejudice make him unable to hold a job?

But this was not what he needed to say: his job was to keep Remus calm. "And anyway," he said, "why would you be fired? You're hardworking, intelligent, kind, dedicated. Make up some lie about the absences – even so, people will be queuing down the street to have you working for them."

"Have you been practising your motivational speeches?" Remus asked, raising an eyebrow.

Sirius grinned. "Every weekday from seven to nine."

Remus smiled and put his head on Sirius's shoulder again. He looked so delicate in the dim moonlight with his thin hands and face and his huge golden-brown eyes; looking at him, Sirius felt the same surge of protectiveness as always. He had done his fair share in adding to Remus's sorrows – surely it was his duty now to alleviate them.

"You know," he said at length, "I really don't care about spending money on you if I have to. My parents were furious enough when they found out Uncle Alphard had left me some of the Black inheritance; imagine what they'd think if they knew I was using it to help out a _werewolf."_

Years ago, Remus might have been hurt by the casual way Sirius mentioned his condition; now he only laughed. "You really do everything possible to antagonise them, don't you?"

Sirius shrugged. "Not like it matters. I'm disowned these days, remember?"

"D'you ever wish you didn't run away?" Remus asked softly, searching his face.

Sirius shook his head, trying to block out memories of slamming doors and shouting, and the bitter, bitter atmosphere that always seemed to pervade his parents' house. "It's better this way. I ignore them and they ignore me. My parents, Moony, were created for the express purpose of being ignored by me, and so running away was the only logical thing to do if I wanted to continue in that vein."

Remus tilted his head to one side. "What about Regulus?"

Sirius stiffened a little. In the spirit of avoiding the explosive disaster that was Sirius's wrath, his friends usually avoided mentioning his brother around him. Remus was being incredibly forward.

"Reg made his choices, and I made mine," he said shortly. "I wish he'd chosen differently. That doesn't mean I'm going back on my own decisions."

"But –"

"Drop it, Moony."

Accordingly, Remus dropped it, and they sat in silence for some time more. Really, Sirius reflected, he missed Regulus desperately, but he had different brothers now. He could not possibly be more grateful – because without them, he knew Regulus would have become the only thing that mattered and the loneliness might have devoured him. He needed brothers, whether in blood or not.

But, to simplify matters, he had three brothers. Regulus didn't count anymore, and that was that.

"Do me a favour, Moony," he said, in an attempt to revive the conversation.

"Mmm?" Remus turned his face towards him.

In truth, Sirius had no idea what he wanted to say, so he closed his eyes and gave his mouth free reign. "We're leaving school soon. Promise me that – even when we aren't there, you'll never think that we don't care. Promise me you'll trust us."

"You can tell someone you love them ten thousand times and it won't matter," Remus told him softly, "if you leave them the next day."

"We won't," Sirius vowed. "Ever."

"'Ever'" is a strong word, Sirius."

"I don't care."

Seemingly content, Remus fell silent. Sirius waited a long time for him to say something before finally chancing a peek at his friend's face. Remus had fallen fast asleep, his head tucked under Sirius's and arms wrapped tightly around him. In sleep, he did not look frightened or sad. Just peaceful.

Sirius shifted slightly to put them both in a more comfortable position before resting his chin on Remus's head and fixing his eyes on the still-dark horizon. The terrible fall from the top of the tower still yawned before him, and he tightened his grip around Remus's shoulders reflexively. They were safe, for now. Soon they would leave the safety of school to enter a war-torn world, but they were safe for now.

Still, Sirius decided, the next time Remus disappeared, James or Peter were going to look for him. It was a difficult task, and after all, he only had a limited supply of patience.

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**A/N: I had to rush the ending. Still, I hope you liked it, and please tell me what you thought in a review!**

**~Butterfly**


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